Frustration

Usually, I'm extremely tolerant to many things. If you catch me in the mood, I'd rant my heart out to you, but 95% of the time, I keep things to myself. So, where does it all go? Now, I guess this will be my venting space.

Frustration #1: I have extremely strict parents. It's the first progress report of the year and I did really bad. Now I'm under lockdown and totalitarian rule. Why don't they understand that progress reports don't show up on transcripts?! They say things like "when you turn 16, you should just go work" "I'll be happy when you're 18, I won't have to raise you anymomre." Things like that are just really depressing. It makes me feel as though I'm nothing but a burden to them. As if raising me was forced and out of their hands. Pisses me off actually! Makes me feel unloved. Which leads me to my second frustration.

Frustration #2: I have a supposed"best friend." I'm not too sure it's true anymore. Sam's kind of suicidal, however I think he's just doing that for the attention. He says things like "I wish a friend would hug me, or I wish I could have someone to talk to, or I wish that someone would just listen to me." Yeah, so, he's saying these things and I'm just standing there with open arms, ready to listen. Mm, so one day, I decided to give him a cheerful hug as he's about to go home. What does he do? Look at me weird and walk away. What does Sam say to me afterward? "I wish someone gave me a hug today." How does that make me feel? LIKE POO. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE POO. DIRT. GARBAGE. KICKED TO THE SIDE. USELESS. Hello?! I'm right here! Trying to help! What? Am I not good enough for you? Is that it? Sam's always so sad and emo like when I'm around. When it's other people, he's like a ray of sunshine, trying to be the comedian. But he tries to hard, and sometimes it just pisses me off soo bad that I just want to tell him to SHUT UP CHUS YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. He also takes advantage of me. Like he expects that I'll always be there for him. I'm also his last choice for everything. Sometimes, I wish I was just a little bit more appreciated... wanted...something more than just whatever.

Frustration #3: I've been dating (not together) Mis (my nickname for him) for awhile. Mis is entirely good, and I don't feel like I deserve him at all. He's always there for me, and goes such great lengths to make me happy. At times, I am just so convinced that he deserves someone so much better than me.

So that's my rant for today. I'll update again when I have more to say I guess.

-Sh.