This is pointless.

So, Sam. Today he sethis clothes on fire for the heck of it and told Tina, who told me. I was kind of relieved that he told her instead of me, but then he called and .. yeah. Why would you tell someone? To get attention?! This is really frustrating.

OKAY. So I think two guys think I have a thing with them, but really I only have a thing with one of them... Mis. Yeah, Lanny.. I don't know. Sometimes I'm convinced that I really do like him! WHAT DO I DOO..

I'm a jerk

Oh man. I totally blew it today. I had one of the most tired and crankiest days of my life. I HATE talking about problems, I HATE gossipping, I HATE when friends fight, I HATE fakes. So when I went to work with my group today, one of my members needed a ride home. Well, it was my friend whom I called in for a favor who was taking me home, and I really did not want to bother him even more, however I asked anyways and he had said yes. Then Eric asked and I told him that he could come if Alex didn't, however I did not expect him to give in like that. Yeah. Well, I totally screwed up. I feel like such a jerk.

Can you not?

So remember Lanny? I talk to him a lot more now. Kind of? I don't think I have a crush on him. I might find him attractive, but not a crush? Why? Guys who tell everyone everything is just stupid. I mean, it's okay for small things, but man, keep some things to yourself. I can't help but think he's been trying to spread rumors about me. Moving on...
Sam has been complaining about his family. It's "dysfunctional." Well look, you're not the only one. My family is pretty bad too, but you don't hear me complaining to you. I know that people have different ways of venting, but when you make it seem like you're the only person with that type of issue, it's just like.. Can you not? It irritates me like no other.
I hate how everyone in my family always suspects me of talking to friends or something rather than schoolwork. It makes me have to sneak just to talk to someone. ISN'T THAT STUPID?! I think that I should be able to talk to who ever I want to without having to worry about anyone of my family members watching to see if I am doing homework. I mean, I don't even talk anymore, however they seem to catch me when I'm asking my classmates a question. Like, a serious honest question, and they go ballistic. I don't even know anymore. I don't want to deal with them sometimes.
I'm trying to stop talking to Lanny, but it's hard. Like the saying "Don't make someone a priority if to them you're just a choice." But sometimes, he makes it seem like he really wants to talk to me, other times I feel like I'm just... there. Like, why am I talking to you?

I kind of wish people in the world would hide their depression, sadness, and worry. I mean.. I do it. So why can't they? If you knew me in real life, you would not believe that I wrote this bs.

-Sh.

I just realized, I already posted about the guy once. Lanny....

Oh my freaking no.

I absolutely hate it when people tell me stuff like.. OMG, I have a boyfriend, but I have a crush on this guy. Or "I have a crush on 2 guys at the same time!" I'd just roll my eyes and be like well then choose one and move on with your life. The thing is, I think I'm starting to experience it. I don't know what to do, and it's so hard. I am still dating Mis, but lately I've noticed this other guy more and more and I don't know what to do. I obviously like Mis a lot more, but I don't want to have a solid absolute crush on the other guy. WHAT DO I DO?! Only one person knows about this because I am afraid of telling anyone else. I'm going to cry or something. & I think the other guy has or had a crush on me, but then I completely ruined it. Help help, let me make the right decision por favor.
-Sh.

I met a guy named Lanny recently. It's kind of weird around him because he sends me mixed messages. Sometimes he acts as though he's crushing on me or something. Other times, he completely ignores me. Lanny is actually pretty okay looking, however there is no way I could have a crush on him. At least I am hoping I won't. I have more self control than that, right? However either way, this is dangerous and bad. I have a feeling trouble is coming at me and I need to get ready. Please don't let me make a mistake.
-Sh.

Sam is pushing me away or something. EFF EFF EFF. I'm so sad, I'm going to like cry. I hate how this always happens, I'm like cursed or something. It hurts a lot, watching him be happy with his newer friends, but neglecting me. I mean, I'm glad he's happy at times, but I guess I wish he's consider me even just a little. Mis heard me as a .. bad person the other day because he just happened to be there while I was yelling at my sister. See, my sister was smirking at me because my mom was talking about how she should have taken me to the US and then left me here while she went back to her home country. I yelled at my sister, telling her that if my mom did that, she wouldn't even exist right now. Yeah, I'm horrible, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I just hate my mom sooo much. Yeah, I'm going to go shower now. I'm not going to let this one away so easy, but I'm tired of doing what I have to do because it doesn't even work. I feel like a bystander who's getting affected, but can't do anything about it.

-Sh.

So today I spotted Sam with one of his new friends in the park. I hate how even though I am his best friend, he is always gloomy and dark around me. I mean, I've talked to him about it... but all he did was explain the situation and then he just.. did it again. IT PISSES ME OFF. I DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE.. NUMBER ONE ON HIS MIND, BUT CAN'T I NOT BE LAST?! I'll be seeing him a lot tomorrow. Yay. What do I do.

-Sh.

Pro-Life or Pro-Choice

Yesterday was the "silent day" for the people who are Pro-Life For those of you who do not know what Pro-life or Pro-choice is... well here.
Pro-life: You are against abortion and against taking an embryo's life without their say in it.
Pro-choice: You are for abortion and for women having a choice on whether or not to have a child.
I am pro-choice because I think that the women should have the choice. I'd prefer that they don't go through with abortion, however under extreme circumstances, they should have their options. However, I am not extreme on Pro-choice. There were people in my school who gathered around Pro-life silent members and started yelling at them. That is so immature and wrong. So they're standing up for what they believe in, they should have the right to express how they feel toward a subject without getting told off. Everyone has their own opinions so let's all stay calm and respect what others have to say, or else nothing will be said.

This next comment, I am struggling between getting another white lg chocoate [my last one broke...] or a sidekick lx. I'm leaning more towards the sidekick.. but yeah. I like how there is a note function in the phone. I could do homework where ever I wanted to! [Yeah, nerdy. I know. ]

-Sh.

Frustration

Usually, I'm extremely tolerant to many things. If you catch me in the mood, I'd rant my heart out to you, but 95% of the time, I keep things to myself. So, where does it all go? Now, I guess this will be my venting space.

Frustration #1: I have extremely strict parents. It's the first progress report of the year and I did really bad. Now I'm under lockdown and totalitarian rule. Why don't they understand that progress reports don't show up on transcripts?! They say things like "when you turn 16, you should just go work" "I'll be happy when you're 18, I won't have to raise you anymomre." Things like that are just really depressing. It makes me feel as though I'm nothing but a burden to them. As if raising me was forced and out of their hands. Pisses me off actually! Makes me feel unloved. Which leads me to my second frustration.

Frustration #2: I have a supposed"best friend." I'm not too sure it's true anymore. Sam's kind of suicidal, however I think he's just doing that for the attention. He says things like "I wish a friend would hug me, or I wish I could have someone to talk to, or I wish that someone would just listen to me." Yeah, so, he's saying these things and I'm just standing there with open arms, ready to listen. Mm, so one day, I decided to give him a cheerful hug as he's about to go home. What does he do? Look at me weird and walk away. What does Sam say to me afterward? "I wish someone gave me a hug today." How does that make me feel? LIKE POO. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE POO. DIRT. GARBAGE. KICKED TO THE SIDE. USELESS. Hello?! I'm right here! Trying to help! What? Am I not good enough for you? Is that it? Sam's always so sad and emo like when I'm around. When it's other people, he's like a ray of sunshine, trying to be the comedian. But he tries to hard, and sometimes it just pisses me off soo bad that I just want to tell him to SHUT UP CHUS YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. He also takes advantage of me. Like he expects that I'll always be there for him. I'm also his last choice for everything. Sometimes, I wish I was just a little bit more appreciated... wanted...something more than just whatever.

Frustration #3: I've been dating (not together) Mis (my nickname for him) for awhile. Mis is entirely good, and I don't feel like I deserve him at all. He's always there for me, and goes such great lengths to make me happy. At times, I am just so convinced that he deserves someone so much better than me.

So that's my rant for today. I'll update again when I have more to say I guess.

-Sh.